It’s been a while since I’ve been here and once again we are drawing up to the end of another year. 2018 Has went by hella fast and has humbled me in ways that I never knew I really needed. With my thirty first birthday just passing, Im grateful for what this year has been and take nothing in vain. If it makes any sense, I grew up this year. Going from just talking about doing some shit and trying to apply what I felt inside but actually doing. Learning to chill on all the talking and do. Love more, trust more, care more, live more, apply myself more, and tune in more.
A meditation practice never seemed to really ever seem like the cool thing to do or like it ever really worked but the more I trusted in the fact that just maybe it could work, I’ll be honest; that’s when my life slowly begin to change. This year I’ve learned trust. Trust in myself most importantly that if I applied even the smallest effort towards the life I dared to see myself live it could come true. So many of us get close to the end of the year to start piping up for what our next year will be, for a long time I didn’t have the sight. I just knew I wanted to be better than my last year, making money and being somewhere deep off in some kinda love jones shooting Music videos for Ceta in the basement and them rap niggas. I never saw past the current day holding on to memories and not creating a future to look forward to. Living in a drug invested neighbored filled with smog clouding our vision let alone our dreams, how could we? For so long I pointed the finger and the blame for all the “traumas” not understanding that it was a part of the journey and the process. I just knew I wanted something better that what I had always been given and today I can say I’m learning to trust myself and trust the journey.
Thinking that my source of anything lied anywhere else but within me. How foolish I had been and sometime still am. I say often God isn’t through with me yet cause if he had been I would have died a long time ago so I’m grateful that each day I get to begin again and show up for myself trusting that if I put in the work; The real work that no one posts for the world to see or the struggles that no one dares to round table about, that work that’s has you moving even while scared, then the universe has no choice but to respond accordingly.
The word balance has been a peak word of the year for me. I’ve had to learn there truly is a ying for every yang the good in the bad the bad in the good the lows that make you appreciate the highs and the understanding of the power of the mind. As I learn to balance the highs and the lows of this human experience we know as life. I’ve leaned to appreciate knowing when to be still and knowing when to press forward and go off need be, but understanding how to better my experiences with wisdom through the communication not only with others but even more importantly with self through being more compassionate and remembering to always start, at home.
Your home isn’t just where you lay your head at night: it’s where your head is at night. Your thoughts, your intentions how do you speak to yourself let alone others. what does that inner woman and inner man look like, how do they move, how do you care for yourself or lack there of, because how we do one thing is how we do everything and how we treat one is how we care for all.
I say all that to say don’t wait to start your new day and be the change you need to see in the world for your family for your friends, for those that love you and even those that didn’t believe, for our future and for yourself. Happy end of the year y’all and happy new beginnings. Continue to show up for yourself every damn day, my baby; Continue to live, love, and grow well. ❤️