With cool crisp mornings banging down our doors, hot tea in toe and cute warm colors for fashion waiting to shine through, let us usher on in my favorite time of the year; fall aka autumn or whatever y’all wanna call it. But we all know the signature marks of it, some stores can’t even wait for August to get gone good before the Halloween, thanksgiving and Christmas decor are starring us down with no signs of letting up no matter how hard you try and make a B line for aisle 3.
With all the talk of hot girl summers and Lizzo’s desire for all us gals and guys to live our best damn lives, for me fall echos that sentiment even louder as the months ahead promote doing the grounding work. More introspection, turning in, harvesting what’s been cookin all year long and preparing to ramp up for the next round of sun action ahead. We all know the feeling of the fall months as the down slope of the year everyone slowly goes into evaluating every decision ever made that either landed them one step closer or further than where it is they say they want to be; myself Included. Some of this includes reevaluating goals, upgrading goals, or simply upgrading the perception of a same goal. Making adjustments taking note to what’s working, what needs to be improved and what needs to simply be scrapped.
I felt myself begin the process actually while it was still very much so a hot girl summer, upping my artist dates, increasing meditations, Increased number of books I read in a month, Increase number of volunteer hrs I do a week, decrease the number of hrs I spend On the net, throw away one old thing a week, decrease number of minutes I’m allowed to bitch about some shit… literally all of the things have been getting combed threw finely no brushes this way shawty. I noticed just in a consistent 28 day effort of meditation and goal setting I’ve upped my productivity and am able to mitigate my distractions and areas of opportunities.
One thing I noticed for sure as a stand out of success and that I’ve been really working towards is tribe. Understanding what it means to me, Finding mine, and hopefully building an incubator that promotes a safe space of healing from the smallest of petty to the largest of life changing. That accountability ups the anti just a lot a bit.
As a child I hated cliques, mostly cause I rarely fit in any of them shits and then if and when I did, it was always some mess behind why we were all “cool” with each other anyway saving that story for another day, as I mature and take accountability for the places I’ve been and want to be in my life finding a sense of community has become important to me, for once.
I have always been a private person by nature the less folk know the less shit they talk about you… merited but not always the case. I’ve had people tell me a whole life that I never could have imaged that I had lived but according to their “sources” or idea of me that was the scoop, no ice cream. I have also had moments of over share that I just knew would get my ass band from the band…” NOPE, WRONG AGAIN” ( said in my best Rafiki voice…if you know, you know). But as I take time to get clear about my goals my intentions of why I choose the people in my life or rather why they have chosen me has started to come back to, does it align with some type of goal? And again big or small the goal could be simply I need someone to hold me accountable to making sure I don’t binge on a whole cheesecake when life happens, to the more aggressives like keep doing the business when the business feels like some straight up bull…nevermind … honestly…truly…
The hardest part is the inner work especially when it didn’t start with you. And when I mean it didn’t start with you I’m talkin bout how it feels the rat race just won’t let up or you can’t seem to catch a break or get out of your own way to even attempt to conquer the day. I’m in the mist of reading two books, “The Body Keeps score” by Bessel Van Dee Kolk and “It didn’t start with you” by Mark Wolynn and both books (recommended by folks I consider part of my tribe) do a interesting job of discussing how number one: our traumas don’t always start with us, it can be a long family line history that the bloodline is battling or learning through or simply how the body’s chemical structure can be altered by a trauma that changes a persons life and how they function even something from birth… and how this can alter them in some way, forever fam.
For so long I found myself asking “why am I like this or that” or “why can’t I stop habit X, “why do I get so flustered when my feet are ashy”… like literally all of it, even the seemed petty I felt and sometimes do still struggle with but reading these books I’m learning to understand that trauma isn’t always our own, it can be learned, it can be planted and once it’s rooted anything that even slightly looks too close to that same stressor can result in a response that you sometime can’t just simply turn of by praying the devil off you literally have to do some inner work which could include other people.
With this I had to get real comfortable with some of the hardest things I’ve had to learn over that last 8 months, identifying my shit too, calling it out as I see it, not judging the shit, talking to someone else about the shit, and taking action to heal from the shit. That’s we’re tribe comes in at cause I still believe every ear ain’t a caring one and discernment is key to healing. A like minded tribe is willing to celebrate your accomplishments with you, clap for you in front of you and behind your back, a tribe will also hold you accountable to the things your forgot you said you wanted or didn’t want 3 years ago or shit maybe even 3 minutes ago. That tribe is also there to encourage you,not necessarily give you all the answers but I’ve learned sharing my ideas have helped me put more things into action, stop a unnecessary or unhealthy action, helped me identify who or wasn’t isn’t for me, and most importantly helped me realize I’m not an island as much as I pretend to think that I have to be in order to survive. Tribe has helped me see my own inner asswhole and bullshit) When I need to …reconsider, Read some liter-ature on the subject, You sure? Fuck it (yes my mind literally works in lyrics and movie lines 🤷🏾♀️)
Tribe has given me the courage to keep truckin when I wanna say fuck it, tribe has helped me change my perspective. Tribe is who and what we make it, it can be ya therapist, your best friend, your coach (hint hint email me 😊 for deets), your partner, or the random yellow cat that stops by just to say hi… literally a cat came and chilled on my pourch so I made a friend that day. But anyways let your circle nourish you when the times are questionable, may the tribe celebrate your wins as much as they celebrate the turn up, let them inspire you as well as keep you on track, let your tribe be a reflection of the greatness that lies within you and do your tribe a favor and return the flavor and add a lil spice not to be confused with spice chai tea. 😋
May the last months of 2019 nourish us all in a way that lets us know that the hard work doesn’t go in vain, let these months be that of healing and determination to continue to D.R.A.K.E ( do right and kill everythang).
Live well, tribe ❣️