Its been a minute that I’ve been here. So often the world pulls you away from what got you started in the first place. As of late I feel I have been making a point more than ever to do it for the love of it, whatever that thing may be at the time. Some days have felt easier than others especially when the world keeps spinning with or without you; but here I am still holding the dream. February seems to always finds me with a head full of questions, optimisms still yet for the future met with a whole shit ton of resistance but still yet resilient. “What have you accomplished since January one, am I on track to whatever goal I’ve set this time around, wait did I even set a real goal this time around, should I bail and call X to distract me, yeah their always fun, is bread and cheesecake really that detrimental to my waistline, have I self cared myself into procrastination…. so many thoughts, so many questions so many fears and yet here I find myself sitting in my office that I’ve managed to finally make look like something and not just the junk room with a laptop and the dogs crate in it, attempting to stick to the plan of “for God sake woman, just get something written down already and stop being a wassaname.”
I’ve had to learn things come in waves, i’ve also had to give myself permission to learn the art of taking it step by step no matter how small the step is. Sometime outside looking in it can seem that I haven’t gotten as far as I should or even as I would want but when I look back lets say 10 years ago til now I can truly say Ive come a long way…with a lot of time and even a lot of ignorantly bumping my head, but still arise to the occasion of beginning, again. Even when I cant seem to see the forest from the trees I am grateful for the opportunities that I do see and have. As I open myself up to mentoring others, I see so many wishing they were as far as I am, asking for tips and advise, “how do you seem to hold all the shit together when it feels its always tryna crash down on you”? And here I am having the nerve to not see the blessings of spirit within my life and those that I have the honor of calling friends, family, mentors and even energies thats just passing through, I’m grateful for you too.
When the cliche dead ass becomes a way of life but you gotta respect it though, its the one thing that seems to keep you grounded when that inner asshole attempts to make you self sabotage. When you have to get back to the basics just to go the next level up. Remembering my why is so important more important than the goal itself sometime cause the goal can evolve, shape shift, evolve if you will but the beginning of something kinda remains the same, what got you started, that call to action that moment in time when you looked at your life and those around and declared aw hell naw this aint it, its got to be more than this for me..for US ALL. That moment stays with you forever, at least it needs to especially when you are in the middle of the dessert not knowing up from down. I was recently asked in a text by a random number (sorry to this man or woman) said in my best Keke P voice “When Life really throws stuff at you, how do you stay calm and centered? Do you have any quotes you repeat or songs you listen to?” When the text came through I was in my own little pity party and didn’t answer the call to serve as a vessel of encouragement and inspiration but in that moment it did make me ask myself, how the fuck have I really been holding it all together all this time and still manage to smile so wide. The answers I came up with created a whole week and still going of me doing small things from taking a walk, to dancing with the dog, or simply talking to God, yes out loud quit flexing like you don’t have these kinda conversations, I know im not the only one. There are an array of what may perceived as silly things that spirit uses to keep me going but I will share one song that I hope finds its way to anyone that needs to know to keep going even when life tries to life and when you finally take a glance back you might be surprised as to how far you have come.Stay encouraged stay well and stay l.i.g.h.t.
I dont own the rights to this music or whatever *Closed mouth smile.*