Some day’s I feel like I’m living in a world where everybody knows who I am but me. Like people are watching the story unfold of me discovering my own divinity. The interactions I have the conversations I hear some of the irony makes me excited other parts pull out the fear.
I’ve dead ass seen in a dream years ago I was in a store couldn’t make out what store I was in and I walked past someone I knew and a woman and I heard him say she doesn’t know who she is that’s why she acts that way…then a couple of weeks ago it all happened in real time.
Things are getting more tricky I’m not sure if I’ve dreamed things up or if I really seen this shit before straight opening doors, manifested them Out of fear or thought about it to the point it only became a dream it’s hard to explain but maybe some one will know what I mean.
It’s crazy cause the more I think about my life, me having my own children let alone a husband never seems to be in the picture I wonder why? The idea of sharing my life with others seems so foreign to me and low key I’m kinda shy cause ya girl got some ways that’s hard to explain shit u see me tryin. Especially now. I’m not sure if it’s good or bad, right or wrong Gods will or my fears. I enjoy my freedom but there are many days I wish I came home to a human family that’s more than my mom and dad or a dog and some aunts Cousins and uncles .
Some days I find myself pining after what others have, their families, their fun times, the love they seem to share. The care they seem to get and then is when I take inventory or lack there of perceived in my own life.
Some days I’m so happy and excited for the big ol houses and dope lives that my associates and friends have it let’s me know I’m in great company but it also makes me ask myself what am I doing wrong to not be further ahead in my own shit. Yet these are the things around me the things I see so It can’t be that far from me . Is it a mirror of what’s inside of me a whole universe of dope shit?
I surround myself with healthy things at least I make a more conscious effort to these days. Taking stock on what works and what clearly makes me ill like the trashed half eaten cheeseCake that’s making the house smell. I’m taking notice to the ways I seek attention when I’m feeling less than, rather from the clothes and accessories, with these emotions hanging on the dresser please notice me and take me outside to show I am important too. But none of that shit matters I can tell cause when the day is over I’m worried about something or somewhere else but I make a point to never publicly trip about it. The rants that leave you wondering what’s this life really all about. Can’t wonder anymore the only way to know is to do, not be afraid to expand and step into the unknown even if that’s your own soul you’ll be surprised of the beauty that’s waiting to be found take notice to the beauty that’s inside reflected around you; Let it unfold.